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As the Restaurant plan did not work, they decided to run a garage. But the same thing happened as with the restaurant, No car came even once for four long weeks

{(Why? Because the garage was on the top floor of a 50 storey building)}

Soon they gave up the garage and decided to drive a taxi. But nobody ever shouted-"TAXI come here" everybody saw their taxi and passed by. This also happened for 5 weeks

{(Why? Because All four of them were sitting inside the taxi)}

Now they got very angry. They decided to throw the taxi in the sea. All four were pushing with their maximum strength but the car did not move even an inch!!

{(Why? Because two were pushing from the front side and two from back side!!!)}

The Famous Deduction:

Once upon a time the famous detective Sherlock Holmes and his assistant and friend Dr.Watson went for a camping trip. Soon Sherlock Holmes set up the tent and the duo went to sleep. After some time Sherlock Holmes got up and asked his friend:

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, look at the stars in the sky and tell me what you deduce.

Dr.Watson: well, Holmes, those stars are big balls of gases that stretch over millions of miles and have a lot of energy in them. These may even be a sun for some of the planets or they may constitute solar systems and one of these solar systems may have another earth like ours and perhaps another Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: You idiot! Our tent is stolen!!!

The Cold Season:

Once there were three people. All of them used to boast a lot. So one of them said:

1st Man: In my village it is so cold that we have to wear 10 blankets to keep ourselves warm.

The second man replied: 2nd Man: That is nothing. In my village it is so cold that we have to wear 30 blankets to keep ourselves warm.

The third man thought for sometime and replied: 3rd man: But none of you can beat my village. In my village it is so cold that the cows give vanilla ice cream instead of milk!!!

The City Lover:

Once there was a man named Rick who used to brag a lot and initially lived in a village and then shifted to the city. After about ten years of living in the city he came to visit his village. He loved to brag about the city and therefore he went to the main restaurant of the village where everyone of the village were present and he started bragging. One of the villagers asked:

1st Villager: 'Hello Rick. How was your life in the city'?

Rick: 'It was wonderful. In the City, anything and everything is better than the village'. Getting sick from his bragging, another villager wanting to change the topic, remarked:

2nd Villager: 'Just smell the clean air Rick. Isn't it wonderful'? At this Rick replied:

Rick: 'Bah! This is nothing. In the city the air is even more wonderful'. After this another villager remarked:

3rd Villager: 'Just look at the moon Rick. Isn't it wonderful'? At this Rick replied:

Rick: 'This is nothing. At the city we have a better moon'. The village headman could not bear it anymore and slapped Rick and remarked:

Headman: 'You idiot! The moon is same all around the world'. But even after getting the slap, Rick remarked:

Rick: 'That was nothing. At the city we get better slaps!!!'.

The Human Zoo:

Once in a very popular zoo, the old Gorilla of the zoo died. The zoo authorities were very sad as that was their only gorilla. At the same time, a poor student came looking for a job in the zoo. The zoo management took him aside confidentially and told him his job. They asked the student to wear a gorilla costume during the day and jump from the bars just as a gorilla would do and act just like a gorilla. The student agreed and he did his job wonderfully. Very soon he became very popular and people would flock to the zoo only to see the Gorilla. But one day, the student overdid his part and while jumping energitically from a bar, he fell into the lion's cage. Seeing the lion, the student/gorilla started shouting frantically:

Student/Gorilla: 'Help! Help! The lion is going to kill me! Help! Help!'. Hearing him shouting the lion ran towards him and whispered in his ear:

Lion: 'Shut up you idiot! Or we will all lose our jobs!!!'.

The End Of The Human Race Through Stupidity:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside".

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down".

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this".

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".

11. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".

12. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."

13. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

The Bad News:

A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news".

The Patient:"Oh dear, what's the bad news?".

The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."

"That's terrible", replied the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"

The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.!!!"

The Death Wish:

Two friends were talking about the type of death they would like to have. One of them said:

"I want to die like a brave soldier in a war like my father. -Not like his friend who was a coward and ran away from the battlefield."

The second friend replied:

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.- Not screaming in terror like his passengers.!!!"


What do you call a baboon in a minefield ?

Ans: A Baboom!!!.


Which day of the week do fish hate?

Ans: Fry-Day.!!!

Only In America:

The following are some of the things thet are found only in America. It may be a little non-real but it is plainly meant only for humour.

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

The Insult:

Once a woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming and in a very angry mood. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and shout at him - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.!!"

The Mad Soldier

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it.!!"



"PATIENT: Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
DOCTER: "Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."


A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my food?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Couldn't be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin bread.

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
I know, but unfortunately we are out of turtle.

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Surely not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees (B's) you hear so much about.

Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup!
Then we've served you too much soup, the fly should be wading.

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.

Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.


Three couples are dining together.
The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
The English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
The [you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the beef, Dumb cow".


Once 4 Sardarjis living in a backward village of Punjab decided to go to a town nearby..., there they started thinking,

"What these people think of us after all...we are fools?"said one of them

"We will show them that we too can prosper like Bill Gates", said another

So they packed their belongings and went to the town. Soon they opened a big restaurant on the main street....but nobody came! One week got over then 2nd week then 3rd...still nobody came!

{(Why? Because there was a big board outside the restaurant reading-"NO VISITORS ALLOWED")}

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